1) Encourage breast feeding
This is a win-win stance. If you have the reasons why breastfeeding is beneficial to hand you will look like you only have your child's interests at heart. The reward comes when your baby wakes up at 3 o'clock in the morning needing a feed and the mother is the only one who can meet the demand. You can roll over and go back to sleep.
2) Change the baby
Yes, this does sound like a strange piece of advice, but here is the logic: Changing a newborn baby is not that unpleasant until it starts eating solid food, and even then not for a while. Change the baby a lot in the early weeks. You will gain a fantastic reputation with the mother and relatives and can back off saying you have had your spell when the task starts to become nasty. Even if the mother does catch on your reputation in the wider family will be already made and bomb-proof.
3) Don't be quiet when the baby is asleep
A big mistake many parents make around a new baby is being quiet when the baby is sleeping, or when the baby is trying to get to sleep. In time this trains the baby to need silence at bedtime and to be a light sleeper. Make noise, go about your regular routine as the baby gets sleepy. Soon they will be able to sleep anywhere, and stay asleep once down.
4) Take the child to parties
Taking your child to parties is a task that starts out arduous but becomes much better as the children get older. Become the party-taker early on and enjoy the fruits later. In the early days you'll have to stay at the party and make small talk with other parents. One day, your child will suddenly become independent enough to leave at the party while you.. well, while you do whatever you want for a couple of hours. If that happens to be sitting in a coffee shop reading a magazine or leaning against the bar watching the game then that is pure gold. And if you don't think so now you will in a couple of years' time.
5) Keep back at least one magic trick
Young children are easy to fool with magic tricks, from the disappearing ball you throw over your shoulder to the "broken nose" routine to the melting coin, and your children as they get older will ask you how you do them. If you give up all your tricks your mystery will evaporate instantly. Always keep at least one trick to yourself to keep the Daddy-magic in place.
6) Have a difficult to remember mobile number
In hustler circles this is known as the long con but the key point here is to get the mother to have an easy to remember mobile number and make sure yours is a random set of digits. As children get older they learn to use phones and will make calls for the flimsiest of reasons at the most inconvenient times. They will call the first number they can remember, and once they get an answer they will keep going back. By making your number more awkward you guarantee yourself many times of future peace.
